An experienced calligraphy enthusiast and weasel rights activist, Tom is the brains of the operation. That is to say, he is literally a giant brain. He's got friggin' memory lobes for arms. Seriously, it's a living hell. It took him four hours to type this in third person, for crying out loud!

Enjoys: calligraphy, weasels, jefferson airplane, teasing the blind, blueberry lipbalm, poached egg on toast, blinx the time sweeper.

Doesn't enjoys: ankle socks, red marbles, that growing sense of eternal lethargy he often feels, string beans.

George, the esteemed nordic adventurer with a penchant for lentils, had his boyish hopes and dreams crushed in an instant by a freak gnome-related injury in northern Czechslovakia. Wheelchair-bound for life, his only solace comes through co-conspirating on this website. It consumes him.

Enjoys: lentils, ankle socks, the year 1997, douglas adams, bic biros, mouth harps, midgets, fried egg on toast, morris dancing.

Doesn't enjoys: pocket lint.